A couple of Days ago my friend post a meme on her Facebook page. It read, “If we grew apart as friends, there is 100% I am cheering you on from afar, and I still love you.” That’s not just that friend but very much who I am too. I have had some people who just walked out of my life as friends, and I let them go for various reasons.
Let me just say I am emotional friend. I feel like I can say that after my Sailor Moon marathon. I never forget anyone, and I always try to be considerate. It literally hurts my core when people aren’t the same to me. I have only really shown how hurt I was by it maybe a handful of times in my life. I am the Arya Stark of my group of friends… I never forget and rarely forgive. My Therapist and I are working on that. So I have come to the conclusion that you have to just let those friends go.
I have had so many changes over the last couple years. I have changed jobs, matured, had a baby, was diagnosed with an illness, my view point on things have changed, Broad City, The Read… 2 Dope Queens. Some people aren’t ready for that. When you are ready to climb mountains you want a team of mountain climbers. I am not trying to talk bad about people I don’t speak to anymore.They are probably great at climb some mountains, but they just aren’t ready to climb these mountains. We aren’t in the same place, and that’s cool. However I will implore you to keep up with people.
There are people I have in my life right now merely added to Facebook to be polite either through work , projects, etc. Those acquaintances have become good friends who have encouraged me or vice versa. I have also gotten in contact with people that I have fallen out of contact with. One of my childhood friends just got married and is now pregnant. It’s great to keep up with her because she is going through everything I went through last year.
In closing friends are priceless, but you can’t make someone be there when they don’t want to. I am using that extra energy to be a better friend to the friends I have. I hope whoever reads this will do the same.
So right now I am still doing the none traditional full time permanent position, but instead going for freelance or temporary positions. This gives me the opportunity to nab the position I want while broadening my skill set . As a result I have not only more free time for my child, but myself as well. I have decided with my free time I could also volunteer, take up new hobbies, or even just attend events.
This idea started with that”events near you”section on Facebook. I found out last weekend that we had a Japanese Festival within walking distance of our apartment. My partner was was posted in Japan for a while. He and I love Japanese culture (me, just a tad bit more). However this situation wasn’t ideal.
The Festival started at 10 am and I wanted to get there at 9:30am. I end up there at noon which was the worse time. Here is the reason why… Noon is the worst time to go anywhere because that is when people either are freed form something that is tying up there time or an hour after they decide to wake up. Also it was humid and hot that day. Worst of all, my partner cannot do crowds. Everyone decided to show up. So the kid was running away from the crowds sweating with our son on his shoulders. I sit there and wait in heat on my little sister which was the reason we were late. To top it off, I drove instead of walking. I was done before I ever even got there. I strongly believe that had we arrived at 9:30 am like I wanted it would have gone better. I did find out about the Japan America Society of Houston where you can get super inexpensive classes on all sorts of things even learning Japanese.
Many of my ventures have gone far better. I volunteered for our local Fotofest which was awesome. I love photography and adore the organization. This weekend I am looking into a mommy breakfast and yoga not too far from my house here in 3rd Ward/Museum District area. I know it hard for moms to get out and do something for themselves. I again firmly believe that as mom sometimes the best thing you can do towards being a good mother is doing for yourself. So if you can when you can…. After that nap think about one thing you want to this week or the next two weeks and start setting your plan.
So I decided this weekend to go visit my sister, who live outside the city in Webster, TX. I haven’t had much time to watch local news this week so I had no idea that crazy thunderstorm was going to come through. On top of that, flooding was expected for most of Houston. I figured I’d spend the night with my sister and wake up the next morning to realize it was a false alarm. It wasn’t.
Webster was relatively okay, but I remember last Memorial Day when people actually died trying to get into the city. My neighborhood (Third Ward) was flooded as usual. I called my partner not just check on him but our neighbors as the storm drain in the courtyard doesn’t drain properly. I wasn’t going home anytime soon. Highway 288 (The Nolan Ryan Expressway) was underwater because of Brays Bayou. They even found a dead body later that afternoon. I wasn’t going to risk having not only my tiny GTI but my son for that matter get in caught in the flooding.
I spent most of the day live tweeting while watching the news. I was able to have good discussion on city planning, climate change, re-gentrification, and flood planning. It also gave me time to focus on my writing.
I had been working on this story plot for almost 6 years ago. Second guessing myself as kept me from being able to actually write a novel or graphic novel. I made goal to start re-writing my first chapter this month. While watching the news I starting writing my store again. I am so proud of myself. I am so amazed at what I was able to do when I didn’t second guess myself. I have been learning this past couple of months about listening to my instincts, and reaching for my goals. I hope that I have the fortitude to keep up with this.
When it comes to parenting, my brother and I are total opposites. My brother is more conservative, and I am more liberal. So when the conversation about the LGBTQ community and our children I had a ton of eye rolls for my brother. I won’t tell you the details of our conversation, but I am interested in people believe hiding the truth from your kids is protecting them?
By the time I was about 6, I already knew that boys could like boys (or girls could like girls). I also knew that there were people out there were born one gender and wanted to be another. My parents were really open with explaining things to me. Although my mother was very devout christian that didn’t stop her from having a gay best friend or loving those who were gay. In fact my mom has encouraged me to bring all my friends around my son. I learned from my mom that everyone deserves love and respect. This is one of the reason I chose the partner that I have.
” I don’t care how uncomfortable your lifestyle makes me…everyone deserves respect,” he said to me bluntly one day.
The last year has opened my partner to meeting people from walks of life that he hasn’t been expose to either from the small town he is from to the military. Not only has this allowed him to grow with his relationship with Veterans who don’t live the way he does but it has opened him up to view points on how to deal with those veterans.
Well couple of days ago while book shopping for my little one my partner pointed out that there was a adult novelty shop across the street from the book store. I waved it off. “My mom’s agent’s office was on the sunset strip.” I realized that the bookstore happen to be in area where my gay friends and I frequently club. I decided that would be open and honest with my son the way my parents were with me. I hope that some day after I taught him everything it is to be a decent human being that he will treat others with dignity and respect. I am not saying that you need agree with everyone’s way of living, sexual preference, or even their views on politics. I am saying to… just be kind.
So since I have been taking temporary jobs and freelancing… I decided to do some stuff I don’t have the liberty of doing while working on someone else’s clock. Don’t get me wrong I want to go back to a normal permanent position when the time is right. I am however relishing in doing things I was too stiff to do in high school or college.
I decided to dye my hair purple. I did once right before I was pregnant and I loved it. I had big purple Afro which was my dream since I was sophomore in college. However, I had couldn’t dye my hair while pregnant. I am also sure that my freelance job wouldn’t have appreciated girl with anime hair as their temp. Now I have a full blown ombre which I love. It matches my personality and feelings. Purple is also my favorite color.
I know there some people who have something to say about it. I am 29 going on 30 with a nose ring, purple hair, and bushy eyebrows. I am sure they have problem with Share bear colored hair. The [probably think I should grow up a little. Right now, I am about making me happy. When somebody is ready to pay me to wash this out then maybe I can grow up about an hour after blow drying.
I am thankful for Veteran’s Affairs, but at the same time I can’t stand them. I have dealt with Veteran’s Affairs almost my whole life. My grandfather was World War II Veteran. Now it my turn with my partner. Now before I start naming names I want to say that I have dealt with 3 different VAs in the past 2 years. Not all VAs are the same. Even the the VA I am going to mention does have some good stuff about it. My partner’s point of service is at the Micheal E. Debakey VA medical center in Houston.
Here are my two issues with Houston VA.
Issue 1- Parking
Parking is ridiculous at this particular VA. There have been times I have spent over 30 minutes circling the complex looking for a spot. I have also driven through traffic to get there and be directed away from a parking lot by a lazy VA police officer. The lot was open he just didn’t want to direct anyone in that direction.
I refuse to use the free valet. They drive like crazy people. I have seen them almost hit Vets with vehicles on several occasions. They switched valet drive through side at the spinal entrance so it blocks up traffic. I also got into with one of the valet staff and now he swear he gives me the stink eye every time I pass him.
There is also a rumor that people from other hospitals are using lots for the free parking.
Issue 2- The ER
On three specific occasions my partner should have been taken in-patient. I remember have a conversation with a PA where he blew off my partner symptoms and then sent him home. Over the next two months the issue got worse and worse until they were forced to take him in-patient. This was a life or death situation and I have people shrugging this off as something minor. What if he had died. Then what? Another Veteran dead?! Once he was checked into the hospital the staff was super nice. I just feel as though I shouldn’t have to plead with people that something is wrong. I shouldn’t have to read up on my partners diagnosis and not have him diagnosed for a year.
My last issue- The smell
I know that really there isn’t much anyone can do about it. The running joke between my partner is that after 6pm the 1st floor smells like urine. This isn’t an every day occurrence but it is something that happens too often for comfort. My partner has mentioned that some of the older veterans get lost and can’t find bathrooms. There have also been rumors that disgruntled veterans urinate on stuff. I also think one of the 1st floor bathrooms has a pipe issue.
Again there are a lot of great things about this VA. These are just some of the issue my partner and I have had.
I just want to say… I don’t breastfeed my kid. I did at one point, but I don’t currently. Neither makes me or anyone else a bad mom.
I grew up with my free spirit mother as the oldest of her 4 kids. I have seen so much parental nudity that I am sure most people would vomit at the thought. Although I myself am not as comfortable with nudity as my parents, this did give me a healthy (some might call European) way of looking at nudity. With that being said, I have seen so many breast that it doesn’t phase me anymore. So that is why I was so surprised that there are people out there disgusted with breastfeeding.
When I got pregnant I was so nervous about breastfeeding. The idea of a little human depending on me not only as caretaker but also my body for food scared me. On top of that the hospital where I gave birth too many people were too gun-ho about pushing me toward either or. My son was born with high bilirubin levels. He was a having trouble latching on as well. I was at least able to pump enough for him by the time I left the hospital.
I have always been an advocate for breastfeeding before I even had a kid. What I don’t get are these people who are grossed out by it. I once had someone say that they thought some women bared their breast for nursing to get attention. I can tell you in the short period of time that nursed my son that I have never once felt comfortable baring my breast. I did it know that my child was hungry and I had to do what I had to do.
However after a being in the hospital when my son was 4 months old. I had to completely give up on breastfeeding. I don’t feel bad about it. I am one of those people where if I did my best then I won’t fret if it fails. I tried. My son latched on a couple time , but by 6 months he was completely done.
Now this another surprised I found out was that people shame women for not breastfeeding?! What has this world come to where people want tell others how to raise their kids. If woman doesn’t want to breastfeed her child for whatever reason that is her choice. I don’t care how vain the reason. It’s her body and her choice. Breastfeeding takes a lot of women. As someone who has a disorder that makes her constantly tired on top of medication, nursing would take my whole life away. I was willing to make that sacrifice for my child, but I can see how others would choose to adapt for themselves.
Many women chose to nurse or not to nurse. How about we support any woman for whatever decision.
I wasn’t sure if I should be so open about this issue. It’s one thing to be a celebrity, and say, “hey I fell into psychological dark hole after my pregnancy.” It’s another to be an average person. To sum it all for you, I was scared.
What I mean by scared was there was so much happening. We were trying out so many new treatments with my partner, as well as finding him the proper facility to deal with his PTSD. My parents were going through another financial crisis along with my father’s PTSD. My sister and my brother graduating from school a year from each other. So the cherry on top was my pregnancy. I had a love/hate relationship with being pregnant. I think mentioned previously how I got sick, but it was something to make fun of. The monster baby in my belly. It was like being part of Sci-fi storyline. It was different after giving birth. I was scared.
It started with a fear of dropping him while I was carrying him. It spiraled from there and I became afraid I was going to hurt him on accident. I want to say I was forced to seek help on my own, but after having a breakdown while I was with my mom. She took me to seek help.
I have been on an anti-depressant since November of last year, and it has been helpful. However certain side-effects make it hard for me to get things done during the day. So this last week I was weened off. I thought I was tough. I went off my meds cold turkey. That is why earlier this week, I nearly fainted during Easter Mass. I wanted to open up about my postpartum depression. I shouldn’t be ashamed about it. I know I am not the only one.