So it’s been a couple years since I have attended a gay pride weekend. I really wanted to this year after this situation that happened in Orlando a couple weeks ago. I was also unable to attend last year because I was so pregnant. Here in Houston a lot of people were scared to go because of threats of violence. I usually no scared of much so I offered to go with friends.
This were it went all wrong. The night before I pulled a muscle carrying around my sumo wrestler size child. So I had already woke up sore as hell. I also like to spend my Saturday’s alone. I just realize that for the next 18 years I will never have Saturday again. Part of me wanted to just to some yoga and eat turtle cheesecake. However I said I was going to do something I had to do it. I said I was going to be there.
So at 5pm I texted my friends to see where they were going to go. I should have been aware of the second problem when I realized they wanted me to meet them at the Burger King on Westhimer and not downtown. One of my friends kept asking if there was a lot of people there. I kept saying, “No, there is never a crowd in Half Priced Books.” Come to find out they thought the parade was on Montrose where all the gay bars and clubs are located. So this made us late as hell. Parking downtown was upwards of $5 to $40. Yes, 40 dollars. I was chosen to lead the way to downtown but I didn’t know where to lead them to parking so we circled around the parade route a good 3 times before my friends found a place to park.
Then one my friends had a great idea to pick up my partner after he got off work. As the parade is starting I had to drive 20 blocks up to go pick up my partner who wasn’t aware were coming. Then my friend and my partner were lolly gagging. I love them but time doesn’t stand still. So we make it downtown to catch one float after walking 7 blocks over piss, broken glass bottles, glitter, and confetti. So after walking another 3 blocks we found the rest of our party where everyone decided to go to a club.
I am sure I have mentioned to you guys that my partner is Marine Corps veteran with PTSD which usually comes with a anxiety around crowds. So not only are talking about the confined space of a club, but Saturday… during pride week …and at a gay club. This was not the best scenario for us. So again I am parking 7 blocks away from the club this time. I am completely turned around because I am only in this area during the daytime. We finally get there to find out that my partner didn’t have his ID. So after trolling around for 45 minutes for a parking space then walking for another 20 minutes we end up turning around 3 minutes after we reach the club. I also got lost looking for my car.
After I was at Walmart in the Heights walking like an old worn out ballerina to get turtle cheesecake. It wasn’t my ideal night. I have come to the that I had to be more content about being there for friends than what I missed. Anyways… Happy Pride!
I remember when I was in high school, my mom use to tell people stories about when I was a kid. One of the stories she would tell was how I use to get in trouble for not napping. I actually remember what she was talking about. I remember being in kindergarten and laying on my cot either looking out the window or telling stories to myself. I couldn’t and still can’t nap really. However there are rare occasions I get tired enough to dose off during the day.
This last Friday I got off early. Which means I had my son by myself for a couple hours. However with him wake up in the middle of the night and my chronic sinusitis have made it hard for me to get a restful nights sleep. So when I got home at 2pm I tried my best to entertain him just to fall asleep on the couch. Of course I woke up… I haven’t finished baby proofing the house. Our living room, although full of fun, isn’t a safe area. But there I was trying to keep my eyes open and my kid crawled back and forth looking for something he shouldn’t. So I had to get up and will myself awake.
This isn’t anything new. It’s just getting harder for me to maintain the house no matter if I am freelancing or not. No naps means that I am constantly running after my kid. My partner doesn’t know how to clean and because of his meds he is very forgetful. So that means, I pay the bills, organized the house, clean every crevice, and have time for myself. I am not saying it’s my child fault. I sympathize with him. I hated naps! It would just make my life easier if he was able to nap like a normal child. It’s also not that he isn’t sleep. My kid has FOMO (fear of missing out) bad. He fights sleep.
For now I will continue the good fight of a mother of stereotypical little boy who doesn’t want to sleep.
So this last week I have been trying to looking for ways to keep organized while taking on more Freelance and temp jobs. Then last week it started to hit me. I know some of you are reading the word relapse and you think drugs. I am talking about physical and emotional health.
It started a couple weeks ago when I notice I kept dropping things. My grip is usually the first to go. Then my joints have gotten achy. Now I am at the point that I have two productive hours in the day. The hours change quit often so I have get them while I when I can.
A couple years back I was diagnosed with Lupus on a low but positive ANA (antinuclear antibody test). Later is downgraded to fibromyalgia then upgraded again. After I got another not sure diagnosis and just gave up on “modern” medicine. By then whatever it is I have gone to remission and I heard of some cases where people only had one flare. But now it’s back.
I don’t want to spend this whole blog complaining about my illness because it’s so boring. I want to talk about how I am pushing through. I do what I can when I can. This is still all new to my partner who caught me at the tale end of last flare. My pregnancy wasn’t a cake walk either but it’s pregnancy no one expects it to be a cake walk. I think he thinks I am trying to shrug off some of my responsibilities. He is pretty lazy so I take on far more responsibility anyway. But the complaining. My kid is pretty long and heavy. So I have had to come up with in genus ways to carry him in this situation.
I have made up my mind to stay positive. I am not saying I am going to be happy go lucky, but I will be productive. I am a mom after all can’t spend my life being slouchy sick mom.